#12: ...& a happy new year!

 Merry Christmas everyone! Okay, so now that's out of the way, what a week it has been. I'm glad I've gotten to relax at least a bit, but the past few days, I haven't been feeling too well mentally, I'm not even fully sure why. Maybe it's the new years blues, maybe it's just exhaustion, maybe I've been moping around for too long. I think it's gotten better, though - I hope I can get some work done next week, but also get to do things that make me happy and hopefully will rip me out of this hole I've dug myself into. To be fair, I am exaggerating a little bit, I just feel a little weird lately. Meeting up with my loved ones, making art and spending new years at home with a friend should help with that. I can't believe this year is almost over. It's a little bit painful to let go of 2025, knowing how much has changed, how much I have changed - it kind of scares me to try and live up to that in 2026. But deep down I know I am always changing, whether I realise it or not and there's nothing that will ever stop that process. I am trying to let go of the idea of "finding myself" and rather want to spend the next year just being present, doing things that bring me joy, letting go of things that don't serve me, and I know that it will be much harder to do so than it sounds to me in this moment, but I genuinely just want to have a nice year. There will always be little moments and phases of uncomfortability (is that a word?), but I truly believe I deserve a good 2026 and I want to do everything I can to make it that. I think next summer will be the best one in a long time. I think we're gonna figure stuff out without even noticing. 

I did a few things I'd been meaning to do this past week: I restringed my acoustic guitar (wow, that was way overdue), took myself out for a coffee and drew another window (who could've imagined...), taught myself the asalato (yes I know), met a friend that was home from her exchange for Christmas and so on. A few side quests are a must for Christmas break. I wrote a lot in the beginning of the week, now my mind has quieted a little and I don't know if I'm satisfied with that. I haven't been journaling at all and I really want to get myself to start again, it really helped me when I did it daily and I need it now more than ever, at the end of the year with no therapist in sight (hoping to change that in the new year...). I also really need to get started on my internship report, I don't even have the deadline at the top of my head but it's quite a big part of my grade and I don't want to do it last minute. I have to teach myself InDesign for that though, what a drag... but I'm also thinking of visiting my grandparents for a few days later in the week, I hope it works out, though I have a lot to get done.

We had a white Christmas this year (the first snow in weeks!) and it hasn't snowed since but the temperature has consistently been below 0, meaning it hasn't melted either. To be honest, though, I'm sick of the winter. I already dislike the cold weather as is and I get quite depressed during these months, plus my heater is broken and I have shit insulation, meaning I have to sleep with three blankets and a hot water bottle in warm clothes and still get cold at night - and honestly, the extremely limited supply of winter magic I feel kind of dies off after Christmas for me. I'll live, though, my sweet darling spring will return soon enough and I've got my love to keep me warm (no, you didn't miss anything, I just have that much love in my heart and it keeps me getting away with the insane outfits I keep wearing out at -5 degrees celsius). 

snow on christmas day!

I did have quite a nice Christmas, this one was very peaceful and chill and we had amazing food (+ leftovers for days). We had a very English Christmas dinner as always, in honour of my English/Irish grandfather that passed on a few years ago. On a side note, it's also just so damn good! As for presents, I am very happy with the things I got, but I won't go in more detail (except for the fact I got my absolute dream fragrance I fell in love with a year ago, yay!!!!!). My uncle visited for two days, he just left an hour ago as I'm writing this. We had a lovely time, went to the museum (I took lots of photos of picture frames for future reference), ate a lot of good food and watched a few short films on Mubi. 

greedislav, as I like to call him

I don't think I have much more to share on here today, but I just really wanted to thank every single one of you for reading these little life updates each week - it really means a lot that people are interested in my kind of boring life updates and it's nice to know that people care. Despite everything, this year has been a very successful one for me, though I tend to forget that, and I'm beyond glad I started this little project of mine this year. It gives me a reason to look through my camera roll and think of all the things I've done this week, reminds me to slow down and gives me something to do instead of marinating in my Sunday scaries. Amidst the crazy new years resolution culture, it's kind of easy to forget everything you've been through in this one - don't go insane people, you have all year and each one after that to become the person you want to be! New years isn't the only opportunity to reinvent yourself, it keeps happening with each day that passes!

So for the last time in 2025, I thank you for your time - take care, see you in the next one!

x juno