#02: becoming a frazzled art student

 I am currently sitting in a café with a close friend, I caught up with some schoolwork from this week and now I'm taking a break. It's the Saturday after a long week and I'm STILL listening to Dog Eared. 

The past week was the first one at school (like, in actual classes) and it's been a lot, in a good way. I only have Maths, English, German, History and two Arts classes this year, which is significantly less than last year and every year before that. To make up for it, I obviously have those classes a lot more often and longer than I'm used to, but I feel like it'll be easier to stay on top of the work of each individual class than it was at my old school. There are also lots of afternoon classes, but I think I can get used to that - this week has been tiring, but it's way easier than at my old school, so for now the challenge is getting used to getting up early and learning stuff all day, I guess. 

Yesterday was kind of insane, the whole six periods were Practical Arts. It for sure wasn't what I'm used to from art classes, but it was honestly quite fun. We did a lot of spatial drawings, starting with a chess figure and then practicing a lot of work with ellipses to draw spheres and other shapes. In Art Theory on Monday, we already started on some facial anatomy practice. For both of the classes, it was kind of weird to see how little you know about the shapes you've been using to make art your whole life. I'm glad I'm learning now though, because it's not only crucial to learn these concepts to improve but it's also way more interesting than I thought it would be!

yesterday's work

I still haven't made a new October playlist but I'm hoping to get to do that today, I love Billie Marten but at some point, you have to start listening to different songs again. 

Oh, and the other day, my one of my Docs literally started falling apart as I was walking to school. The sole started peeling off from the back and now it is barely still attached. I tried to fix it with hot glue, which surprisingly worked for a couple of hours, but then it started peeling off again, so I guess I need new shoes now? I am kind of disappointed because I literally got them just a year ago, but I guess the quality of Dr Martens is decreasing as well as that of most of the products on the market right now... now I'm wearing a pair of my mum's shoes - which isn't bad because she has immaculate taste, but I probably do have to get new shoes soon. 

I kind of feel like I'm getting a little sick, which is absolutely my fault for not wearing the right clothes even though I know I'm gonna get sick if I keep dressing like it isn't October already, but my entire style is built on the foundation of a baggy pair of jeans and a tight-ish top with a bunch of jewellery and shoes that look too fancy for that and sweaters kind of ruin the vibe I'm going for :( Maybe I just need to start going for a different vibe, one might say, and to that I say why are you such a hater. Can I live my truth???

I need to say though, I am absolutely concerned for myself regarding my love life (or the potential lack of it), because i am a lesbian and my class consists of mostly girls which are ALL absolutely gorgeous and cool and have their own little niche that I might get lost in... so far, I'm safe, I'm only feeling a lot of platonic admiration for all of my new friends because I'm getting to know so many people right now, but this is a DANGEROUS place for me!!! Last year, I spent MONTHS having a crush on a girl in my crush I knew was straight and it was absolute misery. I wasn't even friends with her or anything, but the few times we have talked, she was always super sweet to me and she genuinely seems like a good person. I think I'm learning that I don't have to look back on the person themselves badly just because it didn't work out, because it isn't her fault and it isn't mine either. I haven't told her to this day and I'm glad I didn't. Fourteen year old me would have (and i did...), but it would've only been worse for me that way. She actually went on an exchange to another country, for 9 months if I remember correctly, which actually helped me to get over her because I didn't have to worry she might be around the corner whenever I went outside. To be fair though, I am thankful for all the song material she gave me. I could probably release an entire album of songs I dedicated to her - those songs are honestly some of my best work to this day. 

Speaking of writing, I sadly am still experiencing writers block because there's so much going on right now that I just don't get to it. I tried to write a little yesterday but I didn't like what I was writing, I don't really even know what I can write about right now. But I think I'm okay with it right now, I am human after all and no artist can constantly be making art through every medium they can think of. 

I think next week might be a little less stressful, and I can't wait to tell you guys about it!

As always, thank you for giving me your time and see you next week X)

x juno