#01: an introduction

 It´s me again!! Hi there :) 

Since I'm kind of new to this whole blogging thing, you'll have to excuse the chaotic nature of Project Dreamer, but I can promise you it isn't going away anytime soon. I'm trying though, be nice to me!!!! I'm a gentle and sensitive soul!!!!! I will probably figure out the segments as I go anyway!

The past week hasn't been too eventful, but I'm slowly getting used to fall again and life is quiet in a way that doesn't bother me. This week will be a little different though, I'm starting my first school phase after two weeks of work. Getting those two week reports signed felt so good, and so did the work itself. Physical work is so much more fun when you're actually taking care of your body. I've been working out less than in the summer, but still a lot for my standards, considering I didn't do any sports for god knows how long before July. 

I´m quite excited to see what school will be like now - we obviously have normal classes like everyone else, but there will be some new classes (though I don't have most classes I had at my old school anymore, thank the gods for that) and the phase system (switching between school & internship every two weeks) will probably bring a whole different feeling to studying. I have no way of knowing, but I have a feeling it'll be much better this way, at least for me personally. 

I´ve been listening to Dog Eared by Billie Marten a lot the past few weeks, one of my best friends had sent me the album MONTHS ago, and being the chronic procrastinator I am, I obviously didn't listen to it and then forgot I actually wanted to. But when I finally did on my way to work (on one of my first days), I felt like I was going to start levitating over the concrete and fall asleep while being carried along the street (sadly didn't happen, close enough though). 

My personal favourites are Crown (which I am listening to as I'm writing this), Clover and Planets, though I adore the whole album with all my heart. 

I started my October playlist in the beginning of September already, while looking for songs to put on my September playlist and only finding songs that felt like October. I think I overdid it, now listening to the playlist and not really feeling the vibe... I turned it back to private, I think I might start over completely. I thought my October was gonna be the edgy, gloomy and raging fog it was last year, but I find myself not feeling shit enough for it. It feels weird, realising how terrible you felt the same time last year, when you thought it was only the music you were listening to. Eleventh grade only started three weeks ago, but tenth grade feels a lifetime away. Not because it actually feels like a long time ago, but because my life has done a complete 180 in this little time. 

I´m tired and had a small fight with my mum and something happened between me and a good friend, but I know I will wake up restored Monday morning and mum will calm down and me thinking my friend will leave me behind is just my silly little soul being herself and I am only scared of losing them. Don't get me wrong, I do feel a little under the weather (like, emotionally and physically, it is cold as fuck right now), but I feel sad in a comfortable way, if that makes sense. I don't feel the world is ending. I know I will feel more like myself soon enough and this will pass like everything does. The best way to describe it is that me taking a day at home and drinking tea and writing my little blog feels like second nature now, like a parent letting their child stay home and making them tea and giving them the computer to write on. I used to be a lot less kind to myself when I felt like this. 

I also have been drawing a lot again, FINALLY! During the summer break, I barely made any art which kind of felt like experiencing the deepest corners of the Tartaros. I finished my current sketchbook today, which felt crazy because I don't know if I've ever even done that before. Now I NEED to get a new one (rather than just getting one because it looked pretty and starting that one after only using five pages in my last one). 

As I said earlier, I think I'm finally getting used to fall again. Yesterday (Saturday, writing this on Sunday), I hung out with a friend and I made us sage and squash gnocchi for lunch and we caught up and showed each other the songs we had written since the last time we met up - I´d written one, another thing I need to start doing again. Writing is one of my healthiest coping mechanisms (Lena, don't say a thing) and I mostly write when I feel terrible and don't know how else to process my emotions. I kind of suck at writing happy songs, to be honest (BIG apology to all my past partners, I know I can't write love songs) and lately, there hasn't been too much to be upset about. I also made some chai for us and made cinnamon rolls after she left, she didn't have enough time :( But then I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show while eating my cinnamon roll on the couch, and it kind of clicked that October had started, though I went to a friends birthday party the day before (she is a huge fall girl and her birthday being in October does NOT help, in a good way). 

Now that I remembered, I'm probably gonna warm up a cinnamon roll and drink some black tea after this. I don't think I have much to say anymore, so I'm gonna leave you here. Thank you for giving me your time!

Have a good week and see you next Monday!

x juno 

p.s.: if you have any ideas or wishes for what segments I could include in these, please let me know! I am absolutely clueless!! also, i will probably stick to Sundays/Mondays to release new posts, I write on Sundays but sometimes I look over it again the next day :)